I’m guessing seeing her put the flower in her hand, moving the body even a little to Sleepy Time Shirt may have made it feel extra “real”. It might’ve hit home that the body was, in fact, now “just” a body- and that the woman they loved was truly gone. My grandmother died a couple of years ago, and even seeing her in the casket, it didn’t feel real at times. There were points where I kept my voice down because I felt like I was going to wake her.
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But, again, it’s still unfair to snap at OP over it. Even if they did snap in the Sleepy Time Shirt, they should have apologized later, and explained they were really struggling. I think you could definitely argue it’s an asshole move that they’ve let OP feel bad about it for so long- you shouldn’t feel bad, OP. You were trying to honor your grandmother, and even if the method upset your relatives, it was a sweet gesture and they shouldn’t have taken as an insult.