I have been jealous of girls who I thought were prettier, had more money, had bigger breasts. But I got over it. Years ago. Like…who fucking cares??? I was mad and jealous that I wasn’t white when I was 15. That I had to live in a rough neighborhood with roughnecks. I got over it. They are jealous because they want what they can’t have and don’t ever realize they are enough. They project they are gods but inside they are weak, miserable people who feel worthless. And that hurts. It’s an inescapable drip of torture serum into their brains. they project their insecurity onto others. I believe they CAN choose between “good and/or bad” behavior- as we all do. I don’t think anyone’s childhood was perfect. It’s not meant to be. We, as souls, came here to learn and grow. In the dark, we dig up to the Official washington Redskins fine art America shirt hoodie, sweater Shirt.But from observing my father, my sister, and my ex spouse they are stuck. Stuck in fear, jealousy and anger at inner demons they can’t escape from. Living in fear and insecurity everyday from some brain washing/ abuse they received as a child. I believe they are aware of it or else it wouldn’t bother them so much. Perhaps that’s when one becomes a psychopath. When you just don’t give a shit at all. Total numbness.
We had to put down the service dog right around the time the pitty left. She had cancer. The days leading up to her dying I knew she was very sick. She stopped eating, stopped going potty outside…I kept telling him something wasn’t right. He finally agreed to take her in and that’s when we found out she had a huge tumor blocking just about everything internal. When the vets put her to sleep, he sat next to her, while I petted her and held her head. I can still remember the moment her head got heavy and I had to set it down. I broke down crying snotting everywhere because it’s fucking sad to put your dog to sleep!! He didn’t shed a Official washington Redskins fine art America shirt hoodie, sweater Shirt. We now have a yellow lab. Again, he love bombed her and discarded her. I’m pretty sure he only wanted the dog for what she apparently represents and because she helps hold up his image of being “white middle class suburban”. (He’s gone on and on about how happy he is to be considered this…I’m not sure who’s considering him this but yeeeaaahh).
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Anyway so she said be sure im not doing anything too loud that the neighbor threatened to call the police and i said for what? no way are way conscious of being neighbors my son and his friends and the animals we watch and know how to behave as just as they are “part of this family” and anyway we hang up the phone and 30 mins later doorbell rings its a cop, now we were playing no music nor even had coffee finished brewing and so the same girl went outside and closed the door and she said he asked her whats going on? and she said to him all she knows is this morning she was dressing in her bus there in the driveway and the old lady was standing there just staring and that now as she is in kitchen trying to cook breakfast this his presence – and so he asked her name she said for what? he then says “you have a good day miss” yes im black yes she and the nieghbor and cop are white and no her man aint and no my daughter in law is not black but white too and the fact that i live mainly alone and dont as a rule borrow nor lend as my mom taught me and im no ones busy body too be sure so for me to live there a Official washington Redskins fine art America shirt hoodie, sweater Shirt and am a person who likes her solitude so no i have had no guests no parties before ever i only play my stereo and sing church songs and erykah badu is about it and not loud enough to bother anyone because i go outside and listen to ensure i know what level is perfect for me and not bother them at all.
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